What Now
by Scfilover
Summary: Another AU version of Obi-Wan/Asajj. Anakin chooses the light in ROTS. Obi-Wan realizes he's carried too much alone for too long and needs to fully heal from the past. He goes to Rattatak to mourn Asajj but is she really gone?
1. Realization

I still don't own Star Wars I'm just playing in the sandbox again

Realization

Obi-Wan Kenobi was tired. It wasn't physical tiredness which bothered him. He knew even a Jedi had reason to be tired due to everything which had happened lately: negotiating the end of the Clone Wars as well as meditating with the Council on how to handle Anakin's near fall to the dark side, his marriage to Padme, Palpatine being Sidious, and what these things meant for the future of the order.

Hope for the future had come from all of this: the order would allow selfless love and not selfish attachment, the Republic and the Jedi would heal from the dark side's damage thanks to the newly appointed liaison Padme Skywalker and new ways of thought were being debated. After the pain of the Clone Wars, and being in the shadow of the dark side, the Republic and the Jedi were embarking on a new renaissance.

The tiredness with bothered Obi-Wan was mental. He should be happy for the Republic and the order. He should be overjoyed that Anakin had reached his potential after all and lived happily in the light with Padme, Luke and Leia and was now a master. That the force, as well as Anakin and Padme, showed trust in him by giving a clear feeling Luke was supposed to become Obi-Wan's padawan someday should have been icing on the metaphorical cake.

Instead he felt tired. He worked to hide it from Anakin and the Council. He worked to be the same steady, at peace and model Knight he had always strived to be. Everyone else seemed brimming with an optimistic joy for the future. Obi-Wan found himself feeling apart from it all.

He should feel freed by what had happened. Not only was Anakin and the Republic safe, but Qui-Gon had even returned from the netherworld of the force to make sure Obi-Wan wouldn't see the near catastrophe as Obi-Wan's responsibility. Obi-Wan had cautiously come to believe his master's words.

So why the fatigue?

"A very good question."

It appeared there was one person who wasn't fooled.

"Master, there's no reason for you to be worried."

"I will stop worrying if you do something about this padawan. If you don't speak with someone soon I will."

"Qui-Gon, I am just adjusting."

"I am very glad you no longer feel the universe and Anakin's fate are on your shoulders alone Obi-Wan. That is progress. If that was the reason for this fatigue; however, you would be feeling better. Not the same or worse. There is some other cause."

"If we talk about this will you please drop it and not bother anyone about it?"

"Only if it is a meaningful conversation padawan."

"People may call me 'The Negotiator' but you have me in a corner master."

"Be that as it may. Now don't focus on how you should feel but how you do."

Obi-Wan frowned as something bothered him. This was all _too_ convenient. He had been so busy between the negotiations and other work that he and Qui-Gon hadn't had any time to talk since Qui-Gon's vehement defense of Obi-Wan in the council chambers. Just a little while ago, Anakin had come to Obi-Wan _pleading_ to teach Obi-Wan's classes for the day because Anakin wanted to see, and think about, something besides baby spit-up for a few hours. Which meant a few hours were now available for this talk.

"Did you put Anakin up to this?"

"The other way around."

Obi-Wan frowned. It seemed his shielding hadn't been as good as he thought.

"You taught him well."

"I did my best."

"You're getting off topic. Talk to me Obi-Wan."

Qui-Gon's voice soothed Obi-Wan's spirit. He closed his eyes.

"I feel empty master."

"I know we've teased about you connecting with the living force before but how can you be separated from the joy around us?"

"I just feel I am."

"Why?"

Obi-Wan put his hands at his temples to knead away a building headache.

"I don't know."

"There must be some reason."

Obi-Wan decided that since everyone was conspiring against him he might as well humor them. He slipped into a meditative state with Qui-Gon's presence following him.

"What ails you Obi-Wan?"

_He lifted his head up from Qui-Gon's forehead and wiped away his tears. A Jedi, let alone one who must become a knight and the master to the chosen one could not be anything but exceptional. Exceptional Jedi did not think of themselves. They thought of others. _

"Oh my padawan. I should have never-"

"If you expect me to forgive myself you must forgive yourself as well."

"I may have cornered you into this but you are still the best negotiator of this age my padawan."

Knowing Qui-Gon was well and proud of Obi-Wan had eased away the last of the grief Obi-Wan had felt at seeing him die. So why did this vision come to him?

"Remember the vision my padawan. It was not of my death. It was of after."

"Then why did you speak of what happened then?"

"If you had let me finish I would have said I should have never have put this burden on you not just because you felt unready. It was wrong, my padawan, not only for what it caused you to have to be but also because of what you did to yourself."

"What do you mean?"

"You made yourself what you saw as a master from that moment and you never stopped. From then on, you pushed away, or healed from in secret, any hurt that came your way. You used first being Anakin's master, and then the demands of the Clone Wars, as justification for this. You are levelheaded, perhaps too much so, and would not allow yourself the tiredness which comes from being overburdened."

His grief for Qui-Gon. His worries about Anakin. His pain at Siri's death. The ordeal on Rattatak. He had insisted on working through them all himself because he _had_ to. He was Anakin's example, and increasingly an example to the Jedi. Jedi were not supposed to be burdened by such things. He worked through each, alone, and that had taken a lot of time and energy. Healing with the help of others would have been easier, but it was not a luxury he had allowed himself.

"You are right my master."

Something tugged at him. He remembered Qui-Gon had said 'pushed away' as well as 'healed in secret'. He saw himself crying while holding Ventress as she died on Boz Pity.

"Her life was a tragedy until that point Obi-Wan. There was nothing wrong with crying."

"Anakin asked me why I cried. That was what I told him."

Looking back on the scene, though, something was off. He had never cried _during _an incident -let alone in front of anyone else especially _Anakin_- at any time since Qui-Gon's death. Even when Siri had died he had been able to keep the pain inside until he was alone. What then had pushed him over that edge this time?

"She could have been so much more Master. I think somehow she embodied, at that moment, all the pointlessness of the war."

"Is that all?"

Obi-Wan remembered their banter. The mutual respect for their capabilities- even if there hadn't been respect for each other's points of view and actions.

"She could have been so much more to the Jedi."

The force would not let him leave it at that.

"She could have been so much more to me. A friend, as close to me as Anakin or Mace or you."

The force let him pull back from the memory. Something still felt unsaid, but even saying this much in addition to everything else he and Qui-Gon had discussed had exhausted Obi-Wan.

"She was not able to become your friend, so your grief felt excessive didn't it?"

"Yes, I simply…pushed it aside."

"Padawan."

"I know such cannot be accomplished. Master, what has this realization gotten me? I only feel more tired."

"You know why you are tired now Obi-Wan. You need to grieve for her and regain strength after standing strong alone for so long. You can only appreciate the future if the past has been put to rest."

"Master, I have responsibilities."

"Hand them over."

"I-"

He was about to say he couldn't but that wasn't technically true. There had been only one time he had put responsibility aside since Qui-Gon's death. It had, ironically, involved Ventress. He had known she was not dead and had dragged Anakin off to find her. He had put aside duty. The galaxy had not fallen apart.

"What will people think?"

"What does it matter? You have been more than responsible for long enough. You need a break Obi-Wan. Heal from the past so you can embrace the future my padawan."

He had the feeling Qui-Gon was hiding something from him but knew better than to ask. As things were it did sound like a good idea. How to heal from Ventress's death though? He had the feeling what he did would be important somehow. He frowned in thought. Going back to Rattatak after what had happened, and could happen since the planet was dangerous, was not appealing but he felt the need to. It would be a dangerous situation because Asajj had been the only one to bring it peace, of a fashion, and now she was dead.

_Asajj lived there. For a time she and Master Narec were light on a place so filled with pain and senseless destruction. It is time the Jedi honored that, or at least recognized it, somehow. I don't know what I'll do, but I'll think of something. I would consider bringing his lightsaber back there, but where would I-_

The force moved him strongly to bring it anyways. _Master Narec died attempting to bring peace there, and Asajj was heartbroken when I took it away. I'll just have to figure a way that it can rest in memorial to him and who she could have been without being available for someone to get to it. No ideas come to hand, but I feel I must bring it. _

"I must go to Rattatak. I can't tell Anakin that though. Instead of letting me go he'll tie me up so I can't do something so blatantly idiotic."

"The will of the force is never idiotic. Tell him that if he pesters you."

"Thank you very much master."

"I'm glad to be of help."


	2. Shock

Don't own Star Wars.

Shock

The idea of asking for a vacation felt odd, but things went very smoothly.

"Master, we've been hoping you would ask. Take as much time as you want!"

"Correct young Skywalker is. Time off you need."

Obi-Wan sidestepped questions about where he was going and retrieved Ky Narec's lightsaber without incident. _I could get in trouble for just taking it, but it feels like the right thing to do. _He found a nondescript ship-he didn't want to attract attention on Rattatak or anywhere else for that matter- and left Coruscant. As the planet slipped away, he left the cockpit for a couch. _The war was senseless. Ventress exemplifies that. She could have helped so many instead she killed. She and I could have been friends, perhaps, instead of parting on whatever terms we did. She warned me to watch Coruscant. What would she make of the truth behind it all? Probably feel more betrayed. I hope she went to the light. It felt like she was letting go of darkness in the end. _

Ventress had done a lot of wrong, but strangely he did feel fondness for her. _She had wit and was enough of a warrior to keep me on my toes. Our duels would have been quite fun if they weren't to the death, and even then I enjoyed them a little._

He meditated in the force grieving for her and for the war. It was a long trip to Rattatak from Coruscant so he had plenty of time. _I am letting the force guide me. I'm not sure what I'm going to do once I get there and I certainly don't know what I'm going to do once I leave. _

As his ship left hyperspace and went towards the planet Obi-Wan braced himself. _Who knows what I'll face down there… _He reached out with the force and raised an eyebrow in surprise. _I sense a lot of pain, but also healing. That light could come where darkness ruled is worthy of hope. _

He called the planetary central line. _If I'm going to risk getting shot at I might as well know who might do the shooting. Plus the force means for me to come here, so I will get permission._

"State your purpose."

"A...friend of mine once lived here. I come to remember him and his child."

_I felt like Qui-Gon's son so she must have felt like Master Narec's daughter. _

"Hold on."

Obi-Wan waited patiently in orbit. The hard voiced person was wary but somewhat nicer.

"I'm sending you coordinates to land. We'll keep an eye on you but otherwise leave you to do as you will."

_Curious. Such trust on a warlike world. They didn't even ask for my name or who I'm mourning. _

Obi-Wan kept his senses alert but encountered nothing amiss. He did; however, shake his head at the coordinates he had been given to land. _This was where Ventress- no I'm going to call her Asajj. We could have been friends had things been different. I hope she wouldn't mind the liberty if she knew of it- had the ship which Alpha and I escaped in._

He walked down from the ship. Rattatak felt different from when he had last been here. Last time it had been full of darkness, of light lost: Asajj killing Kirske in rage and broken hearted over the loss of her last tie to Master Narec. Now there was a cautious hope like a seedling slowly emerging into the sunlight. _I would help here if I thought they would listen. No, I'm supposed to be on vacation- sort of. _

No one met him, but Obi-Wan could sense he was being watched. He walked into the citadel that had been Asajj's and shook his head. The new hope was coming from here. It was fragile, but taking root. It was enough to banish any lingering thoughts of what had happened before. Obi-Wan wished Rattatak the best. For himself, he let the force guide his footsteps. He walked down the citadel's inner staircase and outside on ground level. He raised his eyebrows to see a statue of Master Narec. _Asajj loved him. I suppose I should not be surprised she would do such a thing. _

He remembered Ord Cestus. Calling out to her to let the young X'Ting go because their loyalty deserved more respect than senseless death. _You understood loyalty even if, in the end, you were shown none after your master's death Asajj. _He looked at the statue of Ky Narec and bowed.

"If you are watching from the force, Master Narec, consider this a long overdue expression of regret. You died alone without any other Jedi by your side and your student was left to grieve alone. I tried-did- my best to help her. She died in the light: hopefully she is with you now. Training her was a risk, but you saw potential in her. On behalf of the order, I am sorry we, I, didn't do more."

Even as he kept his eyes on the statue he felt like he was being watched in turn. The presence watching him had intensified its focus as he spoke. He didn't attempt to gain a more active awareness. He felt the force lead him to speak more, so he did.

"She did many things she should not, but I can understand why you trained her. Dooku was a master once and he lost his whole self to the dark. Asajj still had something left. I sensed it."

The presence watching him was getting agitated. He could now concretely sense where it was hiding even if the specifics of a signature- emotions, level of strength, etc.- were still hidden.

"I did not lie when I said she could have been one of the order's brightest lights. I would have helped her and only hope she is at peace now. May the force be with you Master Narec, and with you Asajj Ventress."

He bowed to the statue again and came back into the citadel. He passed the pillar where the presence lurked but did not stop. _I_

_What am I supposed to do with the lightsaber? _The force whispered the time was not right but it _would_ be. He heard parallel steps of someone following. He went upwards and back towards his ship. As he did he heard the footsteps behind him go from parallel in the shadows to close to him in the sunlight. The force filled with a familiar presence. _It couldn't be!_

"Kenobi!"

Standing, staring at him with as much emotion expressed in her eyes as he had to be feeling stood Asajj Ventress. She blinked in the sunlight and worked to give him an impassive look. _Really Asajj? After what we've been through, especially at the end, I don't think impassive can be the case. _

They had words to say even if he wasn't sure what they would be yet. He could, though, think of a few of Anakin's more pungent ones to use on a certain force-merged Jedi Master who had somehow thought neglecting to mention Asajj was still alive was a good idea…


	3. Connecting

Own Star Wars I do not.

Connecting

She watched him. He watched her. He could feel the light in her growing and healing her from the darkness she had been in before.

"My lady?"

Obi-Wan recognized the man as the one who had tried to prevent Obi-Wan and Alpha from leaving. Asajj realized the man was asking if action should be taken against Obi-Wan and that seemed to shock her from the impasse she was in. Not that Obi-Wan could blame her. He was not sure quite what to do either.

"No! He is…welcome here. He is no enemy."

Obi-Wan took a step towards her and dared to hold out a hand. Asajj hesitated no longer and bridged the remaining distance to place a hand in his. The man didn't need to the force to see his presence wasn't required and left them. Obi-Wan barely saw him leave. His attention was focused on Asajj. He held her hand lightly in his. He dared not even to squeeze gently lest she decide to run off.

She scowled at him and tugged her hand away.

"I am not a coward. Letting you leave without making my presence known would have been wrong."

"I am glad you made that decision."

_I thought I felt you die. You went into a trance instead. Force, I cried over you. This is more than moderately embarrassing. _

"Why did you come here? I was no Jedi, and Master Narec was not orthodox."

"I came because it was right. The force told me to. What happened at Boz Pity was wrong."

"Nothing I did before then was anything less wrong."

"What happened to you was still a tragedy."

"Still trying to save the universe through that stubbornness of yours?"

"It gives me something to do."

"You came. You said what you wished to say. Now what will you do?"

_For myself and about you? I would learn more of you. I don't have to arrest you: one of the provisions of the treaty was that everyone but Sidious was forgiven if they were repentant. I can feel the aftereffects of regret in you and how you reach to the light. _

"The treaty says your life is your own. I would enjoy learning more of you but that is your choice."

Now it was her turn to study him. She sighed.

"As if _you_ would say less than the truth. You can do as you wish."

She slowly turned back to her home. Obi-Wan slipped into step with her. People looked at them and Asajj glowered. She gestured towards the man Obi-Wan had seen earlier.

"Argus, Obi-Wan Kenobi is a friend. Whatever he wants give it to him. In the meantime," he felt it when she decided to throw the past to the past and let the present flow. She gave him a look that held the slightest twitch of a smile.

"I will show you what I am doing and you may learn more of me Kenobi."

He bowed to her.

"I look forward to it," he said lightly. He meant it. He could tell she knew because she let one of her hands rest on his arm like a queen accepting an escort.

"I'm sure you do. Though the Jedi must be boring for you to be here."

They walked to her quarters in silence. They sat on a table close to a window and looked outside for a moment.

"Palpatine, did you hear who he was?"

"Even here that news traveled."

They both remembered her warning to watch Coruscant and what it had ultimately referred to: kidnapping a Chancellor who was not worth rescuing.

"I didn't know."

"I know you didn't."

She had never been a Sith. Merely a pawn so she wouldn't know.

"He wanted Skywalker didn't he? I was told to kill him, but you know with Sith that is a test. How did Skywalker resist?"

"The light called to him and he chose to listen."

"He would have been as stupid as I was to do otherwise."

"That's in the past."

She turned from him in agitation. She had to be remembering what she had done to him. She was trying to hide it but he could feel an almost palpable regret. Expressing emotions besides hatred couldn't be easy for her- she had felt the lighter emotions for Master Narec and lost him. Despite that she chose to do the right thing: to allow for healing from the past.

"I hurt you Kenobi. I am sorry."

"Obi-Wan."

"I have not earned the right."

"I give it."

"You would give anything wouldn't you, you light side..."

"Careful, you're on the light side now too."

"Something which you are drawing considerable satisfaction from."

"Is it wrong to be happy to see someone you thought the darkness had taken away not only in the light, but alive and working for it as well? It is you who is responsible for the light I feel cautiously taking root here."

Not taking the chance to clasp her hand felt wrong. She paused and then squeezed back. They sat in comfortable silence for a while. The sun started to set and she frowned.

"What are you going to do?"

"Are you chasing me off?"

"You would trust my hospitality?"

"I know it will be different this time."

She slipped her hand from his and he followed her up the hallway. She looked into a room and nodded with satisfaction.

"Argus is efficient. Come to me whenever you wake whether it is dawn, or later if you wish to be a lazy Jedi."

"Is that a challenge?"

It was so easy to banter with her. He had to be careful to keep the nicknames out of it. Some passerby might hear 'my dear', 'my darling' or 'my sweet' and get the wrong idea. She smiled at him. It was an inviting smile instead of a dangerous one- no it was still dangerous but not in a life risking way. Asajj Ventress in the light was no weakling. She still had her wit and maybe even her ability to fight. _Which reminds me…_

"I have something you should have."

He held out the lightsaber. Her eyes widened and then narrowed.

"I have done nothing to earn it."

"It was always yours. You just needed to remember why."

She took it from him. She lit the blade and stared at it for a moment. It hummed in the silent room and she looked at him almost, no definitely, daringly.

"Has being away from me blunted your skill Obi-Wan?"

"Do you want to know," he asked softly in challenge back. Something charged in the air between them. They had challenged each other before, but this was different. There was no danger, no death. Only desire to test one's skill against a worthy opponent.

"If you have the energy."

"I'm all yours Asajj."

He hadn't felt this energized in a long time. If it wasn't getting dark outside he'd offer to spar with her now.

"Tomorrow morning. Don't keep me waiting."

"I would never do that."

His vacation had just gotten interesting.

He met her at her room for a quick breakfast. There were few words because both of them were looking forward to sparring. She led him to a training area and smirked.

"Are you sure just having Grievous was enough to keep you in shape?"

"I guess we will know soon won't we?"

It took a moment for them to adjust to the new balance between them: no trying to harm just fighting for the sake of a test. Then they were off the force flowing around them like an elegant dance. He leapt up a pillar just to frustrate her and she gave chase. She tried to knock his feet from under him while balancing on a wall just to see him have to get balance back while holding her off. Time seemed to have no meaning and, force, it was one of the best ways to start a day Obi-Wan had ever experienced. It also helped he could feel the match was healing her somehow: using her master's saber instead of a Sith blade and knowing Obi-Wan trusted her reasons for fighting. Her skills were exemplary, but Obi-Wan had the edge. He cornered her and gave her an inquiring look. She nodded and he shut off his blade.

It was then they became aware of shock filling the air around him. Evidently their match had gone on for a long time. The sun was significantly higher in the sky and there had been enough time for them to attract a lot of spectators. Obi-Wan felt alarm. Would his defeating her harm her standing?

"He is the greatest warrior I have ever fought and I am one of the greatest he has fought. Does anyone have a problem with that?"

He should have known she would not allow any threat to her position. She had wit or their interactions would not have had such sparks.

"Now what," she asked him.

"I need more food and a shower."

She waved him off and he went to get both. Later he tracked her force presence to a room with a large desk and a comm station. She was frustrated.

"This feels even more impossible than a duel with you!"

"What could possibly earn that distinction? I feel somewhat jealous."

There was no hesitation to trust him. She simply threw a padd to him and he looked it over.

"Ah, the wonderful world of negotiations. My forte. Would you mind some advice?"

Rattatak lacked a strong infrastructure for getting its minerals off planet, so buyers wanted to use that fact against Asajj in negotiations. Obi-Wan sat down and they spoke over that, and other such things, until the sun was midway in the sky judging from the shadows on the floor.

"You never did tell me how it was you came to be here."

Obi-Wan blinked. Given the work they had just been doing he knew he was going to get a caustic response.

"I'm on vacation."

"You call this vacation? If the Republic didn't have so many fools you could have won the war alone by sheer willpower."

"Even the bravest warrior, or diplomat, needs help sometimes."

Argus brought lunch and some more work. Obi-Wan could feel Asajj beginning to get frustrated and gently took a padd from her.

"What else is there to do here besides sparring and paperwork?"

"You are on vacation."

"Show me."

"I take you out there and you will stop and try to help everyone."

"A walk sounds very good."

They tackled more work and dinner before the day ended. She looked at him before he said goodnight.

"Tomorrow, paperwork then sparring. I want to deal with fools and their demands first and then have fun with lightsabers."

"I have no objection to that."

"I knew you wouldn't," she said with a smile.

_You are learning to know me well_, he thought with satisfaction and looked forward to what tomorrow would bring.


	4. Bonding

I still don't own Star Wars ;)

Bonding

Several days passed in the very agreeable order of Obi-Wan helping Asajj behind the scenes and then the two of them shocking the people with their skill in sparring. They would spend the evenings enjoying the coolness and speaking of their lives. Asajj opened up to him about her life before she joined Dooku, and Obi-Wan told her stories of his life before Anakin. Asajj was very interested in Melida/Daan.

"_You_ left the order? _You_? They should have seen something was wrong then."

"I was only a padawan then and my decision was questionable. Yes, I brought peace but I disrupted the path the force had for me."

"Stopping to give compassion was a _disruption_?"

Obi-Wan saw the error he had made. She was comparing his staying on Media/Daan to her master staying here.

"Compassion is never wrong, Asajj, but you said it yourself before our first walk: I can't help everyone. Staying on Melida/Daan almost kept me from the learning the skills I needed to be the most effective at helping who I can."

She simmered down and looked away from him with a frown. Then she looked at him with as close to soft a look as he had ever seen in her.

"You are compassionate: the most compassionate Jedi I have ever met. I think after Melida/Daan you became more selective in how you show your compassion."

"I couldn't let anything else risk my commitment to the order."

"The order confuses me. _You_ confuse me. At times both seem as compassionate as you should be, but at others you seem like you are missing the point. Your master should have seen how much you cared and done something about it."

"What?"

"Something that helped the planet…and didn't result in causing you pain. You are one of the greatest of their order. They almost lost that potential due to their stubbornness."

"How about my stubbornness? If my use of the ship had failed Master and Tahl would have been stranded there. Plus, I ignored an order. That can't be overlooked. The order and I have compassion, but we have to use it responsibly Asajj."

Asajj nodded reluctantly her eyes filled with conflicting emotions. Obi-Wan could tell she had become fond of him, and he was of her, but that such a deep emotion left her vulnerable. Which couldn't be an easy or pleasant state of mind.

"Tell me more," she ordered him. He smiled and complied. More days passed until he reached what was still -despite knowing Qui-Gon was in the force- one of the most painful moments in his story.

"The Sith killed him and I almost lost myself to darkness. I was off balance and nearly lost my life because of it. Finally, I regained my connection to the force and killed Maul."

Asajj looked away from him. Something was churning in her and it worried him.

"Asajj?"

"How did you do it? How did you keep the darkness from taking you? How could I have thought you were _weak_?"

He took one of her hands in his. He spoke gently.

"It wasn't easy, but I remembered that Qui-Gon would not want me to be in darkness. That loving someone means respecting what they love as well- what I care about as well."

"Being selfless. How like you."

"It is simply the right path."

"If it was simple I could have done it and your order would have lifted the ban on attachment a long time ago. Speaking of attachment, how did you get tasked with training Skywalker?"

Obi-Wan sighed. He really hoped she would accept the edited version.

"Qui-Gon asked it of me before he died."

Oh no. He knew those eyes. She wasn't going for it.

"He was dying and he placed _that_ on you? Did he say anything of how you had shown him love and loyalty as a son?"

"There was no time."

Asajj's response to that gave Obi-Wan exposure to what undoubtedly had to be Rattatak curse words even if Obi-Wan didn't know their meaning.

"You deserved better."

"Everything turned out alright. Before he died, Qui-Gon had been reading ancient knowledge and found a way to appear to me and the Council a few months ago."

"What could be so pressing as to call him back?"

She was showing a discomforting ability to pick up on what he'd rather leave unsaid this evening. In fact, she had been doing that throughout his story. When he had spoken of Siri she hadn't said anything, but had just given him a compassionate look.

"There was some disagreement over what was responsible for Anakin's near fall."

Again, his usual ability with words was not keeping away what he'd rather leave unsaid.

"You blamed yourself didn't you? Obi-Wan you were an idiot. So your master came to give you some of the attention he should have long ago? Perhaps he has some sense."

"You shouldn't be too hard on him. He let me think you were dead. If I knew you were alive I would have thought you wouldn't wish my presence."

She frowned.

"I suppose I will leave him alone then."

"I'm sure he wouldn't want you as an enemy."

He enjoyed their banter. It gave him a lightness he felt he needed when speaking of things, some of them he had barely dealt with, which were not pleasant to put it lightly. The only problem was perplexing. Instead of it getting easier for him to leave out the nicknames it was getting _harder_. _What is going on? Something about her makes using them feel so natural even unavoidable. _He felt a reckless impulse to call her one and blinked. _Me? Reckless? I haven't been reckless since I was a padawan- or that time I dragged Anakin off to look for Asajj when I knew she wasn't dead. I wonder, if I had only heard about the events at Boz Pity instead of being there, if I would have had hope she was still alive? Wanted to look for her once more? _

_Just what made me even know she wasn't dead in the first time? Only a bond could cause such certainty. I brushed it off as the odd one formed by how often we fought, and had the same excuse for the nicknames. Was that really it? _

_I need to meditate. I am becoming unsettled and that is not acceptable. _

"What are you thinking?"

"Only Jedi woolgathering. I had best to get to bed to prepare for another diverting morning of dealing with bureaucracy and the far more pleasant activity of sparring with you."

She didn't look entirely convinced but she let him go. He reflected it was the first time he had retreated from a confrontation with her.


	5. A bet

Don't own Star Wars, just recharging the creative part of my brain.

A bet

He went into meditation as soon as he got back to his room. _Time to deal with whatever is going on. I haven't felt this off balance around a woman since Siri. _

That was the answer. _I'm in love with her. Force help me, I said I would never let this happen again. Yes, the Code has been changed but I don't like being off balance any more than Asajj does. How does she view me? If I'm unsettled by such a feeling she must have been deeply annoyed and probably banished it by now. If she even felt that way for me in the first place. _

_ I've been here too long. I should go back to Coruscant. I don't want to destroy the deep bond we've formed by becoming a lovestruck idiot. _

Thus resolved, he fell asleep.

He told her about his plans as they tackled what seemed to be the last of the paperwork to do for now. _Without this to distract us, my loss of control would start to become obvious if I were to stay here much longer. _

"I can't avoid my duties forever. Coruscant beckons. I'll spend one last day here and then I should go."

Her eyes flashed with something too quickly for him to identify it. Unsettling feelings like he had? _I doubt it. _She looked away. He sensed wistfulness. Something about it called him to speak before he could edit the words.

"I'll miss you too my darling."

She looked at him again. The emotions swirling in her eyes called to him. _I think my thoughts on my feelings not being mutual may have been in error. Still, the advisability of it! I am on the Council. I have duties I can't just recklessly throw them to the wind! She has duties as well! _

Obi-Wan threw out the first idea he had in an attempt to lessen whatever it was that was going on.

"I have time for one last match."

The emotions in her eyes changed to a thoughtful glance. Then she smiled. Obi-Wan did not know how, but he felt that somehow he had made a mistake.

"Yes, one last match. How about we add some stakes?"

"Stakes?"

That smile held a plan behind it. When Asajj Ventress planned one got _very_ careful.

"Nothing against Jedi morality or your personal code. Since I'm fond of you I'll even change what I decide if it bothers you too much."

It _sounded_ harmless enough but no one who knew Master Yoda could let that be a criteria. Still, what she could make him do within the code which would be harmful? Plus they were close so she wouldn't ask anything too embarrassing of him. She was even letting him have the choice of _vetoing_ whatever she decided. _Regardless, something is up. Oddly, I don't care._ _If word gets out that I accepted a dare Anakin will never let me hear the end of it. After all the lectures I gave him as a padawan about being cautious. Still, I haven't been able to do anything since I was a padawan myself so just once I'm going to be risky. _

"I accept."

"Good."

That smile told him there was something he had to have missed. _I'll just have to make sure I don't lose then won't I? _They went to the sparring area. As usual there was a massive crowd.

"We had best make this good since it will be the last time."

"I agree."

The match had a different rhythm he noticed. _Asajj is serious about this bet whatever it is! It looks like I might find out what I missed the hard way! _The match was the longest yet with both of them pushing past every limit. It was Obi-Wan who lost. She deactivated her lightsaber and looked at him in triumph.

"Well? What is it," he asked impatiently. He didn't know what she was thinking and he both anticipated and dreaded finding out what he had missed. He was shocked to find, though, that triumph had been melted a bit by- was that uncertainty in her force signature?

"We'll talk," she said brusquely and led him back into the citadel. Obi-Wan's right eyebrow lifted. Whatever it was, she was losing her nerve. They went to her office and she turned an intense look at him.

"Have you heard of a planet called Dathomir?"

He blinked at the seemingly random question.

"I've heard it is matriarchal and home to some dangerous force sensitives."

"They have a custom as part of that matriarchy. If a woman defeats a man in battle they wed."

_With the ban on attachment lifted marriage is not forbidden. Getting married is a very moral activity so it wouldn't violate my morals. The proviso that I could refuse if I wished. Very clever. _

She frowned. Obi-Wan felt something in him melt. _She was able to defeat me because she loves me and doesn't want us to be less than what we could. If she is being so brave, and yet reckless too, to dare such a thing how can I refuse? I would have run, which would have been cowardly, and Jedi are not supposed to do that. _

He felt unworthy at that last thought and felt he had to be honest.

"Asajj, I was going to-"

"You're still conditioned to those old nonsense rules. Show me the truth of the new ones and then I'll consider becoming a Jedi someday."

_There is the uncertainty. She's only going to trap me if I'm willing. Very polite. I want to, but duty…. Anakin is doing both. Why can't I? _

He looked to the force, though, because he had to. He loved Asajj and he wanted to be with her but he had to be a Jedi first. He reached for the force.

_He held her hands. They stood in front of Qui-Gon and his master turned to the crowd. _

_ "This is the will of the force. Let none stand against it." _

"Well?"

Her heart was filled with a slowly developing pain. She was battling fear he would say no and anger that he would.

"This is a rather unorthodox way to do this darling. We aren't on Dathomir."

She picked up on the verbal cue.

"I'm not letting that stop me. The custom makes a lot of sense to me."

He took her hands in his. He looked at her with tears in his eyes. This time they weren't painful ones.

"I agree; therefore," he managed to say through the emotions swamping him, "yes."

Whatever would have happened next was interrupted by Argus knocking on the door.

"My lady there is a ship which has come out of hyperspace. Its pilot identifies as Anakin Skywalker and he refuses to wait for permission to land!"

_Anakin found out where I was going and doesn't understand why. This could get…unpleasant to put it lightly. _

"He's a Jedi Master now and on the Council," Asajj asked Obi-Wan evenly.

"Yes."

"Let him land wherever he wishes. Don't bother telling him anything else because I don't think he'll listen. He feels…focused. He senses me and isn't happy. As for his rank, I don't know if I should say it shows there is hope for the order or if there is none."

"Perhaps," Obi-Wan gave her hand a kiss, "You should let me handle this."

"Amaze me my dear Obi-Wan."

He smiled.

"To anything less would be unworthy of you my darling."

Argus was staring at them but Obi-Wan didn't care. He was going to marry Asajj. Soon. Would it raise questions? Maybe. Would people, especially a certain still reckless ex-padawan, think he had lost his mind? Possibly. _He didn't care._

He and Asajj made it to landing area just as a small ship landed. Anakin came bounding down the ramp.

"Ventress! If you've-"

"No need for that. You can see I'm fine," Obi-Wan soothed Anakin.

"Actually you feel a little _strange_. What-"

Obi-Wan smiled at Anakin and then clasped one of Asajj's hands. Anakin's face took on an expression which, if his emotions hadn't been filled with such concern for Obi-Wan, was almost comical. Still, Obi-Wan knew exactly what he was going to say.

"It has been said that a padawan teaches the master as much as the master teaches the padawan. You taught me something I haven't learned until now."

Anakin blinked. He was clearly trying to decipher just what was going on.

"That would be?"

"How to just _do_ things sometimes. You heard Asajj say, "I'm all yours" during that one fight. Evidently she decided to make the offer official."

"_You're_ mine too. Don't forget that," she reminded him.

"Of course my sweet."

Anakin looked between the two of them. His face said he was catching up on things.

"You came here, for whatever reason, and found she wasn't dead like we thought?"

"Yes."

"Then you stayed because you felt like it and fell in love with her?"

"Yes."

"Then she proposed to you and you accepted?"

"Yes."

"You aren't aware of the fact he said so because I dared him on an unconditional bet and he lost to me."

Anakin looked lost again. Then he looked at Obi-Wan. His eyes turned to Asajj and Obi-Wan sensed a very intense focus. Obi-Wan opened his mouth, but Asajj put a hand on his lips without looking away from Anakin. Obi-Wan started to feel a little nervous. If Anakin wasn't going to accept this it would make something joyful less so…

Anakin laughed. Now it was Obi-Wan's turn to look confused.

"You got _him_ to accept an unconditional dare."

Obi-Wan huffed.

"I want to point out there were conditions: not violating the Jedi Code or my personal code with the option of veto."

"_Still_. Wow, Obi-Wan."

He gave Asajj a less intense look. Then he held out a hand.

"Welcome to the family. Anyhow, now that is settled I can call off the battle group."

Obi-Wan groaned and put his head in his hands.

"You brought a battle group?"


	6. short epilogue

I don't own Star Wars just playing in the sandbox.

I know this is real short but leaving the last chapter where I did felt right, so I hope that's okay.

Epilogue

Obi-Wan found himself feeling like a padawan indeed when he explained what the result of his vacation was to Qui-Gon and then to Yoda. Qui-Gon laughed and Obi-Wan's embarrassment turned into a glower at remembering how Qui-Gon left out some things. Yoda leaned thoughtfully on his stick and his ears went up.

"Will of the force it is. Approve I do."

With those approvals, he couldn't care less what anyone else said. If there were any signs of disapproval he didn't encounter them. He had a feeling Anakin's protectiveness and Asajj's ready-to-beat anyone who looked at her edgewise mien might have had something to do with it.

He showed her the temple. She decided she might want to be a Jedi someday, but only after Rattatak was fully up and running.

"I feel something here. It calls to me."

"Let the force guide you my darling."

"Don't even start my Obi-Wan."

Soon they stood before Qui-Gon exactly as Obi-Wan's vision had foreseen. They made vows to themselves and to the force. Then Obi-Wan swept his beloved off her feet because he felt like and ran for his ship.

Thanks to Asajj he had hope for the future.


End file.
